He brought beer- whatta guy!

Okay, so I FINALLY met the married guy today. He made it back to Doodah in time to take me to lunch. Again, only the married ones think enough of me to take me to lunch. I can count on one hand the number of lunch dates I have had: 1!

So, I was really, really nervous! But, he's really handsome! He looks his age, but he's nice. A good height for me, nice eyes and a sweet smile.

Last night after his flight was canceled, my former FWB IM'd me and asked me to come over. Since I was still unsure how things were going to go with the married guy, I decided to go ahead. Plus all the flirty emails has left me rather randy w/out an appropriate outlet! Hooking up with him again was a lot of fun! Wow... it's amazing what a little competition will do for a guy!

So, after lunch, He decided that he would stop by my place after work. He brought beer- lots of beer and we just hung out. It was kind of awkward inviting him into my personal space. I haven't had a guy over in like ever... But it was nice to hang out and snuggle and get to know each other better. I'll spare you any other details, but suffice it to say that I anticipate that we will continue to see each other. Besides, He brought so much beer I'll feel bad if he doesn't come back to drink more.

We are trying to take things slow and really evaluate what we are doing. He is just as unsure of this as I am. Late this afternoon he sent me an email freaking out about my frank discussions of other lovers, etc. I think he is worried that I won't be satisfied with just Him in my life. But, he doesn't get that until I can have him 100% then I shouldn't be required to give him 100% either. It's only fair. I'll just keep my extracurricular activities to myself from now on.

Yes, I am more experienced than he is in a lot of ways, but I think that it's a good thing. Unlike him, I've gotten all of this out of my system so that when I do meet the guy I want to settle down with, I'll be content with him for the rest of my life fulling knowing that I've been there and done all that I cared to do while single. He is just conservative and has a more traditional view of sex and sexuality. After we discussed things a bit, we came to an understanding. He and I want very similar things, it's just that we've taken two completely different paths to get there.

Before he left, it was nice to just snuggle and talk. We fit together really well. It was hard to let him go though! I really wanted him to stay, to fall asleep laying as we were and wake up like that later too. But, another day.

Well, the intense focus of this relationship has left my other "friends" feeling neglected. My phone friend is all jealous (but I made up for it the other night) and then my former FWB too. Had they shown more interest in me 2 weeks ago, I wouldn't be in this mess now!

Today I was approached by one of our board members regarding working at her firm. I really hope that we can work something out! I got paid today and the check was gone long before I got the actual cash. And it didn't even fully cover the bills I need to pay! Now what?

Hurry up and Wait! I HATE When That Happens...

Today has been a weird day. I was up until late cleaning and woke up early to try to get more done before I left for the farm. As I was laying in bed trying to motivate myself to crawl out from under the covers, He tm'd me! What a great way to start the day! So we tm'd for awhile before he had to catch a bus and I had to get in the shower.

I rushed through everything at the farm so I could get back here in time to finish cleaning before he arrived around 11pm. As I was just passing into the city limits, I received a tm that his plane is delayed. We joked around for a bit so he could pass the time and about the time I reached my door, he was told that the plane would have to wait for the weather to clear at their destination. So, off the plane, and back into the terminal. So, rather than cleaning and straightening. I've been conversing with him. Which would you do?

At this point, it's not looking very promising that He will get to Wichita yet tonight. I know that the final flight from Atlanta to Wichita has about left and he's still 3 hours away. So.... We have to postpone our meeting until tomorrow night! ARRGH! Why??

But, at least that gives me more time to clean! Lol. I'm so wore out right now I just want to go to bed! I'm drinking coffee so I can stay awake and hopefully get more done yet this evening without pissing off my neighbors too much. I now realize why I don't ever clean house- it's really hard work!

I think I'm going to be really happy with how my place looks once I'm done though. It will be nice to be able to have people over without stressing out about what a mess there is.

I'm So Totally Screwed!

Last night I talked to the married guy for quite awhile. It was really nice being able to have an uninterrupted conversation at last! I initially contacted him to confirm our lunch meeting on Monday. I wasn't sure where and what time we were to meet. In the course of the conversation though, things took an unexpected turn and now he's coming to my house tomorrow night to meet me instead.

I'm excited, hopeful, nauseous, terrified- basically a whole bundle of contradictory emotions! What have I gotten myself into? He is just coming over to hang out, meet and have a beer. But, we all know where this is likely to lead right?

Trying to wrap my head around whether or not I'm okay with getting involved with a guy who is married. Of course he's starting to waffle on whether he will stay 'till the kids are grown... I'm not quite buying that yet though. I guess it boils down to - I'm not the one who is married. Yes, I am guilty by association and because he has not mislead me regarding his marital status. And still, I'm not the one breaking a vow, hurting my family, etc. It's all on him.

Well, I need to get back to cleaning. He doesn't need to know that bachelor girls live kinda like bachelor guys most of the time!

Happy Friday!

I'm glad that the weekend is finally here. It means that Monday is getting closer! I've got butterflies already just thinking about meeting the married guy! Sad, so sad...

Well, two of my friends are adamantly opposed to the idea of me getting involved. They are correct- I deserve better, he's an ass for doing this to his wife and kids, he needs to man up and accept his situation as it is or get out, etc.

I know all of these things are correct. I know I should walk away, but what if I'm walking away from "the guy?" I just can't walk away yet- I need to check him out first and see if there really is something tangible there. I'm not talking about sex, but about the "feeling" you get for someone that is indescribable. It's either there or it's not, and well, I just gotta know for sure first. I'm sure I will read this post a few months from now and cry over how stupid and naive I have been. But right now, I just can't help myself!

So far I'm really attracted to him! he's smart, sexy, funny as hell, successful, sweet, thoughtful, ornery, flirty, and says he's absolutely smitten with me too! It totally brightens my day when I get an email or TM from him. I want to get him a cupcake for Monday as a belated "Birthday" celebration. I NEVER do that for guys! But, I want to for him...

What the hell am I going to do?

It's Hot Outside!

Today once again, I struggled staying focused on work and not on other inconsequential things. I'm not sure why I can't seem to stay on track. I guess a lot of it is because of my financial concerns at the moment. I'm feeling MUCH better physically, but still unsure of how a 2nd job will fit in with school and my primary job (which I absolutely love!).

I'm creating quite a mess on the dating front. I've been talking to four different guys online, and am now down to three. One guy is a total sex addict and a bit wild in his tastes. I enjoy talking to him however and he does crack me up. Plus, a few walks on the wild side are always fun, at least for awhile! =) So... he called me last night all jealous because I have been unavailable the past couple of times he has called. Since I am honest about talking to others, he was afraid that he was being replaced. Hardly- just bad timing. We're hoping to eventually meet in person, but we are having trouble getting our schedules to mesh.

Besides the married guy I mentioned in my last post, I'm also emailing another married guy who is older. He is really conservative and just looking for a little fun and excitement in his otherwise plain vanilla life. He was pretty up front about this from the beginning and so I've told him that our relationship will never go beyond a friendship. I have yet to meet him in person, and really have little desire to beyond a slight curiosity. I'm content to just exchange long emails outlining our day and our thoughts on life. The one problem here is that he definitely wants more of a role in my life. He wants to be more than an email pen pal. He is jealous that I talk to other guys because he wants me all to himself. I disagree though. It's not fair to me (or his wife or kids) to take this further than it's current state.

Today I talked more to the "other" married guy. His emails and text messages are the bright spot in my day and he continues to crack me up and amaze me the more I learn about him. I am starting to get nervous about meeting him! I want to get my hair cut and colored, brows waxed, etc. I'm already starting to think about what I want to wear- this is sooo unlike me!

I wish I had someone to talk to about this- someone who has been there who can give me advice.

My First Post!

I've been itching to do this awhile. Find a forum for all the random thoughts that swirl in my head and share the cool things I see and read with all my friends and family, so here I am! Now that I'm FINALLY writing, I'm struggling to think of what to say! Shocking I know.

Okay, today I was discussing why married guys can see the beauty, brilliance and overall awesomeness of my personality, when their single counterparts could really care less. Why is it? What is it about me that only appeals to well, the unavailable? It's really unfortunate too. I don't want to waste all my cool stories, jokes and efforts on someone who can't be fully in a relationship with me. As Wendy pointed out the other day, "I deserve better!" She's right! I've paid my dues, kissed the frogs, oh boy have I kissed some frogs! But where's my Prince? I'm ready damnit! Okay, I still have some work to do, but don't we all? I don't plan to be really "finished" until the day I expire. And then, well I guess I'll have to be done right? Lol.

This all came about because I met a really cool guy online. We've exchanged a few emails and have now progressed to text and instant messaging. Oh, and we exchanged pics the other night as well. At first he said that he was "separated", which in my book still means "married" but I decided to stick around because I liked his emails. Well, I'm really starting to like him! He's cute, hysterically funny, smart, successful.... I could go on, but, as you can see- I'm in trouble! I can't go there- refuse to go there, but... Why? Why does he have to be married? He really likes me too but I'm under no illusion that he will leave his wife for me. He's made it perfectly clear where he stands, so I know better than to hope for this. I agreed to meet him for lunch next week and I'm now really conflicted about it. Part of me hopes that I won't be attracted to him because it will be a lot easier to walk away, and part of me hopes that he's as great in person, because I will be really disappointed if he's not.