What Now?

I've talked to "M" more about this time-out and we both agree that it really sucks. He has repeatedly reassured me that it is temporary and that he isn't looking to see other people etc.

But, something still felt "off." I know that a lot of it has to do with us trying to navigate this time-out thing and still maintain contact while allowing time for me to do what I need to do.

Anyway, the past few days I've noticed that he has been on IM a lot and that coupled with his repeated statements of how I'm going to find someone better, well, I just felt like something was up. So, I searched the online personals and saw that his "ad" is still active and that he was online at that very moment either searching or chatting. WTF??

I'm curious if the chicks he is talking to know that he is supposed to meet my parents at Thanksgiving next week? It just doesn't make sense!

I'm hurt and confused and just frustrated that he wasn't' more honest with me. He has assured me that he wasn't looking to meet anyone else, that there wasn't anyone else (reason for the time out) and even asked me out on a date for next week! I'm not sure how he's NOT looking for someone if he's on an online dating site and has updated his profile!

As much as I hope that there is a good explanation for this, I'm really worried that there isn't.

Part of me just wants to be done with him and walk away for good. But, the part that cares for him and wants to trust that everything up to this point hasn't been all lies wants to hear what he has to say and see if there is anything worth salvaging there.

I really don't have time for the stress that this is causing me! Another reason why walking away for good looks really appealing right now.

This is really not how I saw this going. I was really hopeful that we were going to weather the storm of this phase and come back even better. Now, I just don't know.

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Searching for a part-time job right now really sucks! There isn't much out there it seems and the pay is just crappy. I'm getting really scared that I'm not going to find anything.

On a positive note, I have 3 more weeks left of school.