Scenes from a Marriage

No dear readers, I didn't go and get married! Actually, lately I'm really questioning whether that is a wise decision ever! See with my current living situation I get to be sort of a fly on the wall and get a unique perspective on marriage and family life.



Over the years I've witnessed it as a dinner guest or at one of the kids' birthday parties, but living here day to day is rather amazing and not really in a good way. I'm blown away at the amount of ugliness that occurs in the day to day happenings of a marriage. I guess the tiny resentments over running a household and the general living together pet peeves build over time and result in the ugly spewing of insults and baited barbs for the most mundane of reasons.



Most days I try to avoid getting caught in the crossfire. I lay in bed awake and wait until they are all gone before I dare try to go to the bathroom. I use the excuse that I want to stay out of their way and not cause them to be late for their day, but the truth is I just want to avoid getting yelled at myself.



To be fair to my hosts, not every day is this ugly, but I'm amazed at how many are. This morning as I was preparing to write this the song "Hit me with your best shot" came on the radio. I had to laugh. No, these people don't throw punches, just mud, but it's still painful to witness most days.



One day my bff was venting about her dear husband and was complaining about how he wanted to pick a fight. I was surprised that she was surprised at this. So, I reminded her about how they've been arguing since the day they first met, so why would now be any different? She had to laugh at the memory and agreed that I had a good point.



Living through this reminds me of how "M" and I never argued. When we had a disagreement, we would sit down and discuss it rather than yell. He was adamant that he was not a fan of yelling and I'm not either so we made it a priority to work through things in a civil manner. But now I wonder how many things we didn't discuss, how many frustrations he kept to himself. Most of all I wonder if he finally realized that the relationship with me wasn't worth fighting for and just walked away. Sometimes maybe a good fight really is a good thing.



The relationship with a I dated last summer was the complete opposite. We rarely had a conversation that didn't end in an argument. It was incredibly frustrating at how frequently misunderstandings occurred. It was like I would say "blue" and he thought I said "red" and then it was on. Finally I just got tired of it all. One day we were IM'ing and he was trying to pick a fight. I wasn't in the mood and he kept trying to bait me. I asked him point blank if he ever got tired of fighting. He refused to answer the question and kept on pushing my buttons. When I repeated the question and still didn't get an answer, I finally told him I was done and walked away. I realized that the relationship would always be like this and the good stuff wasn't worth putting up with the bad.



For now I'm just going to try to avoid getting caught in the crossfire and see what lessons can be learned from this unique perspective on marriage.