Yay it's Friday!

Well, I heard again from "W." Yes he remembered me and asked if I was willing to take a chance and see what happens. Yikes! Of course I want to but yet.... In a way already knowing him is difficult because of the fear that others will find out about this. I don't want intimate details getting relayed to my former boss, etc. He has more to risk in this regard since he is the one who is married, but still.

I'm not sure how he gets away with doing this at work. Since I know his work schedule, I know that he is at work when he logs into the site. Some guys are such idiots with this stuff! The name of the site alone is enough to set off most internal web filters!

Anyway, no word from "T." I got a call Wednesday afternoon from a number I didn't recognize but the caller did not leave a message. He's like the 3rd person I've given my number to this week though, so who knows. Frustrating that they haven't called again or left a message. I almost called the number today to see who it was, but decided that whoever I'm with should have enough perseverance to leave a message.

At work I've been given another big research assignment. I know I'm a nerd but I love researching stuff on the web. It's just fun for me to find all the pieces of the puzzle. And, as you are going along, you find all kinds of stuff that is peripheral, but cool, interesting or whatever which take you in a whole new direction. I can spend hours and it just seems like minutes.

They laughed at how giddy I get doing this. Well, everyone has their own idea of fun right?

Moonlight Magic...

This week has been really bizarre so far. I've been out on the town a lot and seem to be bumping into potential suitors a lot more. Coincidence? Perhaps, but it's been fun regardless.

Monday night, I met a friend for a glass of wine so we could de-stress and enjoy the beautiful weather. I ran into "J" who was also there for dinner. It was nice to see him again and he seemed as surprised as I was to run into each other. And he gave me a hug! =)

Tuesday night I went out for a late dinner and a couple of beers after a work meeting. Just as my friend and I were preparing to leave, a guy (we'll refer to as "T") approached our table. I was tired and feeling rather anti-social. I just wanted to go home and crash by this point, but the guy was persistent. At first I wasn't sure what his motive was, so I came across as skeptical and jaded. Eventually though he mentioned "dinner" and then asked for my number. He's quite a bit younger, but he's cute and since guys never ask me out, why not? So, we'll see if he calls. He said he was going out of town for business and could be gone for a few weeks, so this will proceed slowly if at all. In a way I'm hoping he does call so I can redeem myself and get to know him better. He did seem kind of cool, but I'm not exactly holding my breath. Considering the circumstances, it's iffy I think.

Then tonight I was on a site for people looking for a "casual" relationship. This is where I've met most of the guys I've been involved with lately. Since I don't have time to date really, I felt that this was probably a decent way to meet someone to spend time with casually. Well, I was mistaken! The drama, games, and all around bull-shit is in full force here as much as it is anywhere else! Oh, and like 90 % of the guys on there are married... Really makes a girl question whether to ever trust a commitment.

Anyway, tonight I received an email from a married guy that I'll call "W." I'm kind of freaked out because I know him! We used to work together a few years ago and had definite sparks flying between us, but I didn't go there because he was married. And, because work. So... here he is, confirming what I suspected all those years ago about the state of his marriage. He didn't know that I'm "me" because I don't post my picture on there. But, I did email him back and included my picture. So, we'll see what he has to say. Maybe he doesn't remember me?

Regardless, it's kind of a precarious position because he and I have definite sparks. Things would have happened between us back then if I had allowed them to. I feel even more like I'm diving off a cliff than I did when I met "P."

School is fixing to become insane, so my posts will probably become more infrequent in coming weeks. My parents were really worried about me since they haven't seen or heard from me in awhile.

Figures... just as my love life sort of starts to look promising, I don't have time to date. =)

The best laid plans....

Today was rather interesting. First of all, I didn't get any sleep the night before. The past few weeks have been rather messed up and full of "change"- something that cats don't really appreciate. So, my "problem kitty" decided that she's had enough and has spent the past few days (and nights) telling me all about it and then peeing on every horizontal surface for extra emphasis!

So, today I finally took her to the vet. I couldn't figure out what was wrong, was sleep deprived and ready to take my family's advice (finally) and drop her off at the pound! But, I relented and had her checked out. Turns out she has anxiety and was given Valium to help her calm down.

Where's mine? I could use some too! Especially since I have to deal with her and worry about pissing off the neighbors and getting evicted because she's being obnoxious. And I get to spend my "free time" rewashing my bedding and half my clothes because she's "marked" everything!

~~~

While on my way to class tonight I received a TM from one of the married guys- "S." He lives in another state and his wife found my number on his cell phone bill! He asked me to not contact him again and cover for him if she calls to investigate further (he made up some BS story about how I'm a cousin or something). Oopsy!

Okay, first of all- this is not my problem! He initially contacted me and he's the dumbass who didn't cover his tracks better or acted weird enough to make her suspicious. It's kind of funny though, because his weird schedule and unavailability was making him just not worth the effort. It's not like we will ever meet in person and we had zero in common. The conversations were really dull!

Anyway, why should I cover for him? He's a moron who got caught! I think it's kind of funny actually that he was this stupid. The other night we were talking on the phone when he had to let me go real quick because she was calling him.

I'm sure I won't pick up if she calls- I never answer calls from numbers I don't recognize- especially from out of state... Lucky for him I think.

~~~
I got more information about the potential job overseas. I'm going to pass. The more I learned, the more I realized that it's not the right time for me or for them for me to go further in the process. They need someone now and I'm still in school. If I take a pass now (will have to), I may have to start on the groundfloor and work my way up. As I told the professor who had recommended me- I'm done doing that! So many of my jobs have been entry-level that led absolutely no where! So, I need to email him back all of this.

It was actually a good moment for me in that I realized that where I am career-wise is right where I want to be. I'm not willing to make a change from what I'm doing now. Yes, I'm interested in seeing what else is out there, but it's going to have to be something really awesome for me to walk away from what I've currently doing.

My professor kept asking me what I want to do with my degree, and I've not really thought that far ahead, but it is a valid question that I need to find the answer to within the next 3 months.

~~~

Now that the valium has kicked in (for the cat), I should try to get some sleep.

Hate your boss? Try having 50!

Have you been wondering how our event turned out on Friday? Where'd all that rain come from! So- block party plus rain= lame party.

By 4pm I was a bundle of stress. Things just kept going wrong! At 3pm the band was still trying to secure equipment rentals so they could play at 6pm! And for some reason I was needed to help negotiate this for them? I'm still puzzled at how I needed to get involved.

And just as I was dealing with all these merchants who were questioning the methodology of my map drawing for our Saturday event, I was running late to help set up for the party. I arrived just as it started to rain. Then 3 other merchants yelled at me for "excluding" them on the promo materials for Saturday. I tried to explain but tempers had already flared to the extent that any attempt at reason was futile. I was furious! It was just assumed that I did it on purpose or something!

I work for a group of 50 businesses! I work for all of them and try to help promote all of them! Okay, two of the 5 complainers were excluded in error- but it was fixable! Just give me a chance to make it right, right? It was ridiculous. It upsets me when people aren't willing to find a solution to the problem but would rather scream and yell and walk away without anything resolved. How does that fix anything? Sure venting makes you feel better in the short term, but did anything get solved? Yes, I left the party to go redo the map and have it reprinted. But, I would have done that anyway. But, it would have made everyone feel better if we could have avoided the big dramatic scene. Especially me.

Then the guy with the grill (remember him from the previous post?) canceled on me. No food for our crowd! Great... The band also canceled, but that was a bit more understandable. Electronic equipment + rain and lightning= charbroiled band members.

So after all of that, I just sat down and started drinking. I was done. Spent. Defeated. Mother Nature totally kicked my ass on Friday. On the bright side, the police men and firemen were very flirty and my new boss took me to dinner after the event was over since we were denied our grilled burgers and dogs.

The most telling example of how Friday went is this: while I'm away fixing the map that didn't need fixing, the hottie showed up at the party. To see me and I wasn't there. AAARRGGHH!

I was really bummed on Saturday when I was informed of this. But kinda glad he came anyway. Hmmm. More to come from him I'm sure...

~~~~

All of the drama has not left much time for my 2nd job or for anything else for that matter. I'm finally getting caught up a bit though. I actually took yesterday afternoon off and chilled at the pool. I'm sure I was snoring because I totally fell asleep! It was awesome actually. Very relaxing. I'm going to try to do that more often.

~~~~

I heard from the one married guy again tonight. I think the other one has finally given up on me. After I turned him down when he offered me money to pay bills a couple of weeks ago- EWWW! I've not heard anymore from him. I really didn't want to find out what "strings" might be attached to that offer and his response shows that it was obviously a conditional one. The money would've been nice, but that'd be like prostituting myself and I won't go there. Broke or not.

Anyway, I IM'd "P" to tell him that I've almost drank all the beer that he brought over way back whenever we first met. I have one left and told him that he needs to stop by again and bring more! This was purely out of curiosity to see what his response would be. He took the bait and we chatted a bit. He's preparing for another business trip so we'll be able to chat more frequently again. I know I should stay away, but he cracks me up and I enjoy chatting with him.

In just a 5 minute conversation, he had me totally laughing out loud. We just feed off each other's jokes like a comedy routine. It's really hilarious.

He brought beer- whatta guy!

Okay, so I FINALLY met the married guy today. He made it back to Doodah in time to take me to lunch. Again, only the married ones think enough of me to take me to lunch. I can count on one hand the number of lunch dates I have had: 1!

So, I was really, really nervous! But, he's really handsome! He looks his age, but he's nice. A good height for me, nice eyes and a sweet smile.

Last night after his flight was canceled, my former FWB IM'd me and asked me to come over. Since I was still unsure how things were going to go with the married guy, I decided to go ahead. Plus all the flirty emails has left me rather randy w/out an appropriate outlet! Hooking up with him again was a lot of fun! Wow... it's amazing what a little competition will do for a guy!

So, after lunch, He decided that he would stop by my place after work. He brought beer- lots of beer and we just hung out. It was kind of awkward inviting him into my personal space. I haven't had a guy over in like ever... But it was nice to hang out and snuggle and get to know each other better. I'll spare you any other details, but suffice it to say that I anticipate that we will continue to see each other. Besides, He brought so much beer I'll feel bad if he doesn't come back to drink more.

We are trying to take things slow and really evaluate what we are doing. He is just as unsure of this as I am. Late this afternoon he sent me an email freaking out about my frank discussions of other lovers, etc. I think he is worried that I won't be satisfied with just Him in my life. But, he doesn't get that until I can have him 100% then I shouldn't be required to give him 100% either. It's only fair. I'll just keep my extracurricular activities to myself from now on.

Yes, I am more experienced than he is in a lot of ways, but I think that it's a good thing. Unlike him, I've gotten all of this out of my system so that when I do meet the guy I want to settle down with, I'll be content with him for the rest of my life fulling knowing that I've been there and done all that I cared to do while single. He is just conservative and has a more traditional view of sex and sexuality. After we discussed things a bit, we came to an understanding. He and I want very similar things, it's just that we've taken two completely different paths to get there.

Before he left, it was nice to just snuggle and talk. We fit together really well. It was hard to let him go though! I really wanted him to stay, to fall asleep laying as we were and wake up like that later too. But, another day.

Well, the intense focus of this relationship has left my other "friends" feeling neglected. My phone friend is all jealous (but I made up for it the other night) and then my former FWB too. Had they shown more interest in me 2 weeks ago, I wouldn't be in this mess now!

Today I was approached by one of our board members regarding working at her firm. I really hope that we can work something out! I got paid today and the check was gone long before I got the actual cash. And it didn't even fully cover the bills I need to pay! Now what?

Happy Friday!

I'm glad that the weekend is finally here. It means that Monday is getting closer! I've got butterflies already just thinking about meeting the married guy! Sad, so sad...

Well, two of my friends are adamantly opposed to the idea of me getting involved. They are correct- I deserve better, he's an ass for doing this to his wife and kids, he needs to man up and accept his situation as it is or get out, etc.

I know all of these things are correct. I know I should walk away, but what if I'm walking away from "the guy?" I just can't walk away yet- I need to check him out first and see if there really is something tangible there. I'm not talking about sex, but about the "feeling" you get for someone that is indescribable. It's either there or it's not, and well, I just gotta know for sure first. I'm sure I will read this post a few months from now and cry over how stupid and naive I have been. But right now, I just can't help myself!

So far I'm really attracted to him! he's smart, sexy, funny as hell, successful, sweet, thoughtful, ornery, flirty, and says he's absolutely smitten with me too! It totally brightens my day when I get an email or TM from him. I want to get him a cupcake for Monday as a belated "Birthday" celebration. I NEVER do that for guys! But, I want to for him...

What the hell am I going to do?

It's Hot Outside!

Today once again, I struggled staying focused on work and not on other inconsequential things. I'm not sure why I can't seem to stay on track. I guess a lot of it is because of my financial concerns at the moment. I'm feeling MUCH better physically, but still unsure of how a 2nd job will fit in with school and my primary job (which I absolutely love!).

I'm creating quite a mess on the dating front. I've been talking to four different guys online, and am now down to three. One guy is a total sex addict and a bit wild in his tastes. I enjoy talking to him however and he does crack me up. Plus, a few walks on the wild side are always fun, at least for awhile! =) So... he called me last night all jealous because I have been unavailable the past couple of times he has called. Since I am honest about talking to others, he was afraid that he was being replaced. Hardly- just bad timing. We're hoping to eventually meet in person, but we are having trouble getting our schedules to mesh.

Besides the married guy I mentioned in my last post, I'm also emailing another married guy who is older. He is really conservative and just looking for a little fun and excitement in his otherwise plain vanilla life. He was pretty up front about this from the beginning and so I've told him that our relationship will never go beyond a friendship. I have yet to meet him in person, and really have little desire to beyond a slight curiosity. I'm content to just exchange long emails outlining our day and our thoughts on life. The one problem here is that he definitely wants more of a role in my life. He wants to be more than an email pen pal. He is jealous that I talk to other guys because he wants me all to himself. I disagree though. It's not fair to me (or his wife or kids) to take this further than it's current state.

Today I talked more to the "other" married guy. His emails and text messages are the bright spot in my day and he continues to crack me up and amaze me the more I learn about him. I am starting to get nervous about meeting him! I want to get my hair cut and colored, brows waxed, etc. I'm already starting to think about what I want to wear- this is sooo unlike me!

I wish I had someone to talk to about this- someone who has been there who can give me advice.

My First Post!

I've been itching to do this awhile. Find a forum for all the random thoughts that swirl in my head and share the cool things I see and read with all my friends and family, so here I am! Now that I'm FINALLY writing, I'm struggling to think of what to say! Shocking I know.

Okay, today I was discussing why married guys can see the beauty, brilliance and overall awesomeness of my personality, when their single counterparts could really care less. Why is it? What is it about me that only appeals to well, the unavailable? It's really unfortunate too. I don't want to waste all my cool stories, jokes and efforts on someone who can't be fully in a relationship with me. As Wendy pointed out the other day, "I deserve better!" She's right! I've paid my dues, kissed the frogs, oh boy have I kissed some frogs! But where's my Prince? I'm ready damnit! Okay, I still have some work to do, but don't we all? I don't plan to be really "finished" until the day I expire. And then, well I guess I'll have to be done right? Lol.

This all came about because I met a really cool guy online. We've exchanged a few emails and have now progressed to text and instant messaging. Oh, and we exchanged pics the other night as well. At first he said that he was "separated", which in my book still means "married" but I decided to stick around because I liked his emails. Well, I'm really starting to like him! He's cute, hysterically funny, smart, successful.... I could go on, but, as you can see- I'm in trouble! I can't go there- refuse to go there, but... Why? Why does he have to be married? He really likes me too but I'm under no illusion that he will leave his wife for me. He's made it perfectly clear where he stands, so I know better than to hope for this. I agreed to meet him for lunch next week and I'm now really conflicted about it. Part of me hopes that I won't be attracted to him because it will be a lot easier to walk away, and part of me hopes that he's as great in person, because I will be really disappointed if he's not.