Will Work for Food

Okay, I'm not quite ready to stand out on the street corner with my cardboard sign, but I will say that job hunting is really frustrating right now. The constant rejection makes me doubt that I have any talent at all and wonder how I ever found a decent job in the first place.

Then I realize that I do have talents and wonder how I can get paid for them. No, don't come looking for me on Broadway... mind out of the gutter people!

See, I know that I can write decently. Maybe you've read other posts and disagree, but I've written some decent articles/reports/papers at school and in my working life and received praise for them. So I've been researching this and yet I realize that I'm a very small fish in a large and overpopulated pond. Uggh. Kinda like the Wichita job market right now.

I'm also contemplating applying for a job in my hometown. This would entail moving back home with the parents and likely working with a not-exactly-my-favorite relative. I'm worried that this could cause me to become near suicidal, but also realize that such a step may help me get back on my feet faster. What to do, what to do.

It's Friday and I have beer- life is good once again

Sorry about the depressing post yesterday. It was one of those days when everything seemed to conspired against me. Which always seems to happen during the time of the month when I'm feeling the most vulnerable, emotional and least capable of dealing with stress!

Not that today was any better really, but my coping skills were better. Either that, or I've just given up!

I was worried that my electricity would get shut off which would cause me to get evicted and then I was worried that I would be asked to resign (or get fired) from my new job because I've missed deadlines. As usual, my fears were unjustified. All is fine now.

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Today I got to spend time with my brother's family rather unexpectedly. My 5 day old nephew had to be checked out by his Pediatrician and as they were preparing to leave, the car wouldn't start. My sister-in-law called me crying because she was stranded with two toddlers and a newborn in the heat of the day. So, I rushed across town to take them all to McDonald's for lunch and wait for my brother to arrive and check out the situation. It's amazing how attached the toddlers are to their mom. We had a meltdown in the car when we ran an errand just me and the kids.

All I can say is that it was fun to spend quality time with them, but geez, they once again reinforced my opinion that motherhood isn't my thing!
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Wow, I haven't had any artistic posts on here for awhile. Hopefully tomorrow...

The Great Conundrum...

What to do, what to do... I keep getting leads on jobs that will require me to relocate overseas. This excites me to no end! It reminds me of the Dr Seuss book "Oh the places you'll go!" Anyway, after the initial excitement wears off, then reality sets in...

My mind start spinning with the endless track of questions and arguments: Will I get homesick? Will it totally suck being so far from family and friends? Especially when multiple time zones are involved? Lord knows I'm not the most independent person, so this really is a major consideration. And then there is the job situation I have here. I'm so excited to see the end results of the non-profit I work for. I want to see what happens and be there to help it along and celebrate the successes, but this isn't as possible if I'm not living here! And then, my internship is with an awesome company! I'm kind of overwhelmed at how they've just thrown me the baton to run with it so quickly- no making copies and coffee with this company, and I'd love to see what happens with that option as well.... Arrggh!

And then, what about my love life? My latest crush is kinda showing interest in me too- what happens then? He's an AWESOME guy as far as I can tell so far and I really want to learn more, but how if I'm preparing to move to far far away?

Finally, what about my cats? Do pets get passports? Are they quarantined? How does that all work? I'd really miss my girls- especially if I have to leave everyone else...

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I heard from the married guy- okay to clarify we will refer to him as "P" from now on. He IM'd me last week just to "check in." Which in guy speak means he's checking to see if I'm still available/interested. He was preparing to leave on a biz trip again and wanted to see if I'd be available to chat. As much as I enjoy chatting though, I want more! It just makes me sad that he is content with things as they are. There is potential for sooo much more and yet, he hesitates. I want to tell him to save all the flirting for the one woman who should be getting it- his wife, but I don't. I wish I could tell him to leave me alone until he makes up his mind and leaves his wife, but I don't. As I've done so many times in the past, I take the crumbs that I'm thrown and try to placate myself with what little I get. I don't think this will last much longer...

Anyway, "P" is trying to talk me out of the latest overseas opportunity that has come up. He keeps pointing out all the negatives- it's an Arab country, so in a way, he's helping me be realistic at what all I will have to contend there as far as the cultural differences, but still. It's an awesome opportunity I think. I'll know more next week after I visit with my contact who has been consulting with the principles of the venture.

Funnily enough the other married guy- the one who offered me money to pay my bills has been MIA. I think he finally got the hint. Not that I miss him or anything.

I've recently started talking to another married man (yes, even I agree that this is ridiculous) who lives in another state. He's pretty cool and cracks me up. We will call him "S." Again unhappily married, but I get the impression that he lives a pretty sheltered life. Very small town in attitude and ideas. Not that that's a bad thing, but it kind of clashes with my worldly view.

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I did some number crunching today and it appears that I should be able to graduate in December! Yay!! That is if I can scrape the money together in the next 10 days to pay tuition that I owe. I was really excited to figure that out... I was getting depressed that I would have to go another semester and wait until May.

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I became an aunt again this week! My nephew was born on Monday evening. I got to go visit him yesterday before he was dismissed. As much as I think he's adorable and I can't wait to spoil him and his older sisters, he helps confirm my suspicions that I really can't deal with having kids of my own. I just don't think I have the patience, the mettle, or the stamina to deal with all of that 24/7. Kinda like going to the farm- nice place to visit, but really don't wanna live there!

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Well, my procrastination from studying and work has lasted long enough! I don't think that "S" is gonna call tonight after all. What an ass! It's his turn to call me and I'm hating that my TM minutes are depleting rapidly....