I just don't get it...

Okay, I feel the need to rant. Please forgive me but I'm hungover and didn't get much sleep last night, so I'm kinda cranky!

But, this is something that has bugged me since I dumped the guy I thought I'd marry, circa 1997! I don't get what guys look for in a girl to settle down with! I'm not your typical chick, which I always thought would be to my advantage, but now... I'm thinking that I need a personality transplant!

I like sports, beer, cigars, hate feeling tied down in a relationship. I like to have separate friends and interests than my beloved and don't feel the need to spend every waking moment together. I like sex (a lot) and know what I like and how to ask for it (or get it on my own!). I'm cool with my man hanging with his buds, even if they go to a strip club as long as it's not an every day thing. What's not to love? And yet... I'm just seen as a friend or a playmate and not girlfriend material or more. I'm frequently accused of being a heart breaker or a player. Is this how I come across? Is my light hearted attitude toward relationships perceived as being less than sincere?

I'm not the kind of girl who "needs" to have a boyfriend. My self-worth is not measured by who I am dating. I do not ditch my friends for whatever the flavor of the week is. I hate how girls have their little "cliques" and don't get the whole go together to pee thing, and still I'm not datable?

I will be honest and say that I am a big time flirt. Maybe that's where a lot of this comes from. Maybe I appear to always be looking for the next fun thing, but it's rarely the truth.

I'm still trying to figure out what happened with the married guy. What I did or said that caused him to leave a silhouette shape in my door from running away so fast. Update: he is somewhat communicating again. Baby steps... And still, I wonder if he's too conservative for me. I at least want to get to know him better though and have the chance to find out.

Hopefully I can figure out where I'm going wrong before I become the dating pariah in the nursing home!